One of my friends commented yesterday that they hadn't seen any new posts from me lately. My response is that I have been too busy and too depressed to blog. Laura reminded me that it's okay to blog when you're depressed, sometimes it is helpful to do so. True, but I don't want to turn my blog into some dark cloud of unhappiness in the blogosphere either. So I will start with the good things that have happened to me before I get to the more depressing items.
Good Things
1. I got a raise!!! Not just an average little cost of living type adjustment, but one, with the promotion I received last year, that helps to rectify some past salary injustice ( you know, when the guy next to you makes 20% more eventhough your education, experience and responsibility level are identical.)
2. My boss is on vacation for almost two weeks. Mind you, I like my boss, I really do, but it is nice, after the grind of last week to not have 10 emails and 2 phone messages waiting for me some mornings.
3. Palm Sunday, where our church did Group's Jerusalem Marketplace instead of regular church service and Sunday School, is over. (I was the pottery shopkeeper and had to remember how to throw a pot on the wheel from 30 years ago.)
Bad
1. I'm still waiting for those "exciting new ministries" I was promised by church leadership after I was allowed to be fired from youth ministy. Even worse is that there seems to be some negative false stories being spread as to why I was terminated that vary from "Ann doesn't like to work with students anymore, so she quit" to "Ann must've done something really terrible to be removed from the youth group, is she a pervert?" Great, it's not enough to say , "I don't agree with the Youth Pastor on everything; he demands 110% conformity to his way of thinking so he put me on a year's sabbatical."
2. My boss is on vacation for almost two weeks and I'm in charge while he's gone. Now I know why he sends out 10 emails and 2 phone messages. I've been working on this costing exercise at work with everyone telling me the proposal will never fly with the big boss -it's too much. I met with the big boss yesterday -he says it's too little. I need a vacation.
3. The pottery shop experience -there is a reason I left high school ceramics class screaming -the pottery wheel is why.
4. I feel disconnected from everyone and everything. No time for relationship and relaxing. Even so my personal email is filled with ads and to do things; my telephone is silent except for the junk phonecall. Snail mail is just bills and solicitations.
Calgon take me away!!!
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Surf Alaska
I had dinner the other evening with some friends of mine from church, Daniel and Allison Felton, both graduates of Biola University. Daniel and Allison are missionaries in Alaska with Christian Surfers but are home on furlough to raise support and also because both of Allison's grandmothers recently passed away within a few days of each other. Now you might just react the way I did when I heard they were leaving surfing ministry in Australia to lead a surf ministry in ALASKA. ALASKA? SURFING? IN THE ICE & SNOW? But to my surprise, surfing is thriving up there, particularly amongst the Native American coastal tribes. In some tribal villages, half the inhabitants surf. This is particularly true of the Tlingit (pronounced Klink-et) tribal group. Daniel, himself part Tlingit, grew up in Alaska and knows how both surfers and the Native Alaskans are both "unreached peoples". Their goal is to "to reach surfers with the Gospel, connect them to local churches, and send them back into their local mission fields."
Unfortunately, Daniel and Allison's support levels aren't what they need to be in order to remain on the field so they're going around trying to raise support. This is the first time they've done this so it's kinda tough. If their ministry touches your heart, I'd encourage you to join me in supporting them and their work. Visit the Christian Surfers website and learn more about their ministry. I know they'd appreciate it.
Unfortunately, Daniel and Allison's support levels aren't what they need to be in order to remain on the field so they're going around trying to raise support. This is the first time they've done this so it's kinda tough. If their ministry touches your heart, I'd encourage you to join me in supporting them and their work. Visit the Christian Surfers website and learn more about their ministry. I know they'd appreciate it.
Friday, March 24, 2006
My Personal DNA Test
Use your cursor to hover over the colors and see my personality traits. Now you can see why I roll my eyes at my women's ministry friends when they propose some foo foo activity as an women's outreach event. Oooh, let's have a craft night where we paint flowers on a terracota pot; how about a make-up party? Not this woman, no way. Give me some techno gadget and I'm happy as a clam.
Not All Gloom And Doom
One of my friends (who also happens to read my blog) sent me an e-mail..." between your job, the youth ministry, losing your cat ... and the disappointment that was the ladies retreat ...This has not been your year!Be thankful this isn't groundhog day."
I had to laugh and reassure her on the phone that although all these things had happened to me, I wasn't nearly as gloomy as the blog sounded - I use my blog for ranting, for the catharsis I experience by putting those emotions out there. That is not to say I haven't been distressed by those events, but I have found solace and encouragement from my blog readers by sharing these things. Sometimes I don't even need anyone to personally respond to my ranting - I am writing for me, sort of a release from carrying around a burden that I'm afraid to dump on another person. Once it was "off my chest", I am free to point folks to this blog and invite them to read it for themselves. I don't have to relive the pain during the re-telling of the negative experience.
Hmmm, perhaps there is an important spiritual principle at work here. Maybe this an application of 1 Peter 5:7 about "casting all your anxiety on the Lord." As Christians, we know that we should "cast it all on Him", but how often do we "reel it all back in, again and again" as soon as we're done with the casting. I have decided that it is sufficient for my emotional well-being to put these traumas out there in my blog and not keep dwelling on the story over and over to get "through it". (An aside: I somewhat view my blog the same way I view my journal -it's first and foremost a dialogue between God and me that I happen to allow people to peek in on. Realize though, I exercise a huge amount of discretion in what actually is published and therefore this blog lacks the intimate communication one would actually find in the non-public "diary".)
I know quite a few people who are "stuck" in the bad thing that happened to them years ago. Somewhere along the line, they made a choice to keep living in the moment of their pain; they retell the story again and again, perhaps hoping that the next time it is shared, the pain will go away (or that the outcome would be different). That's what I mean about reeling it back in after casting -I'm not saying you never think about it again (that would be ridiculous, even if it were possible) - but it means instead to keep trusting the One "who is able to keep that which I have committed to Him." Changing the metaphor a bit, it's like the child having buried the seed who keeps digging it up to see if it's growing.
As I finished the phone call with my friend, she remarked that she was relieved that I sounded much more hopeful than I did in the blog. I am glad too, but probably even more so that Groundhog Day was just a movie and not my life.
I had to laugh and reassure her on the phone that although all these things had happened to me, I wasn't nearly as gloomy as the blog sounded - I use my blog for ranting, for the catharsis I experience by putting those emotions out there. That is not to say I haven't been distressed by those events, but I have found solace and encouragement from my blog readers by sharing these things. Sometimes I don't even need anyone to personally respond to my ranting - I am writing for me, sort of a release from carrying around a burden that I'm afraid to dump on another person. Once it was "off my chest", I am free to point folks to this blog and invite them to read it for themselves. I don't have to relive the pain during the re-telling of the negative experience.
Hmmm, perhaps there is an important spiritual principle at work here. Maybe this an application of 1 Peter 5:7 about "casting all your anxiety on the Lord." As Christians, we know that we should "cast it all on Him", but how often do we "reel it all back in, again and again" as soon as we're done with the casting. I have decided that it is sufficient for my emotional well-being to put these traumas out there in my blog and not keep dwelling on the story over and over to get "through it". (An aside: I somewhat view my blog the same way I view my journal -it's first and foremost a dialogue between God and me that I happen to allow people to peek in on. Realize though, I exercise a huge amount of discretion in what actually is published and therefore this blog lacks the intimate communication one would actually find in the non-public "diary".)
I know quite a few people who are "stuck" in the bad thing that happened to them years ago. Somewhere along the line, they made a choice to keep living in the moment of their pain; they retell the story again and again, perhaps hoping that the next time it is shared, the pain will go away (or that the outcome would be different). That's what I mean about reeling it back in after casting -I'm not saying you never think about it again (that would be ridiculous, even if it were possible) - but it means instead to keep trusting the One "who is able to keep that which I have committed to Him." Changing the metaphor a bit, it's like the child having buried the seed who keeps digging it up to see if it's growing.
As I finished the phone call with my friend, she remarked that she was relieved that I sounded much more hopeful than I did in the blog. I am glad too, but probably even more so that Groundhog Day was just a movie and not my life.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Back From Women's Retreat Part III
In my final installment of my description of the weekend, I thought I would talk about the spiritual component of the retreat. The theme was Extreme Makeover: Heart Edition and the purpose was stated as a chance for us to "refresh, relax, and renew". As I described in my earlier installments, the weekend was not very refreshing or relaxing for me personally -stressful is probably a more accurate word for my experience. Yet even in the most stressful situations, I have still managed to learn or apply something valuable to my Christian faith. This was not the case here.
One person commented to me that the speaker seemed ill-prepared and not overly acquainted with Scripture. It seemed her talks were mainly random thoughts, scattered interactions without points. During each message, she would have us break into smaller groups to discuss and "share" with our neighbor. Honestly, I could not tell you what I learned or how it would help me be a better follower of Christ. The musical worship we had was more just music and less worshipful connection with God.
I got more out of the early Sunday morning mass I attended at the Mission with a few of the ladies. There the priest in his homily challenged the congregation to live out their faith and to use the Lenten season to reflect on our sinfulness. He encouraged them to use their pennance as a means to forsake their sin and lead renewed lives. One of my friends, a former Catholic, was impressed and remarked on how right on his words were (except for those Roman Catholic moments in the Mass where we remember that we are heirs of the Reformation). I only wished that the service was a bit more "user friendly" - my lack of the familiarity with the missal caused me to fumble around with it rather than fully participating in the readings and hymn singing. (Note to readers: we DO NOT participate in the Eucharistic elements of the Roman mass, we understand the theological difficulties with it and abstain. We did not have problems with the rest of the service -it was indistinguishable from a liturgical Protestant service in that regard on that day.)
To top off my "lost weekend", Laura and I decided to drive down the 1 instead of returning home by the 101. It was great, scenic drive until we got to Malibu where a downed power pole turned a 10 mile drive into a two hour traffic jam.
Although it wasn't a "good" weekend, It definitely was memorable.
One person commented to me that the speaker seemed ill-prepared and not overly acquainted with Scripture. It seemed her talks were mainly random thoughts, scattered interactions without points. During each message, she would have us break into smaller groups to discuss and "share" with our neighbor. Honestly, I could not tell you what I learned or how it would help me be a better follower of Christ. The musical worship we had was more just music and less worshipful connection with God.
I got more out of the early Sunday morning mass I attended at the Mission with a few of the ladies. There the priest in his homily challenged the congregation to live out their faith and to use the Lenten season to reflect on our sinfulness. He encouraged them to use their pennance as a means to forsake their sin and lead renewed lives. One of my friends, a former Catholic, was impressed and remarked on how right on his words were (except for those Roman Catholic moments in the Mass where we remember that we are heirs of the Reformation). I only wished that the service was a bit more "user friendly" - my lack of the familiarity with the missal caused me to fumble around with it rather than fully participating in the readings and hymn singing. (Note to readers: we DO NOT participate in the Eucharistic elements of the Roman mass, we understand the theological difficulties with it and abstain. We did not have problems with the rest of the service -it was indistinguishable from a liturgical Protestant service in that regard on that day.)
To top off my "lost weekend", Laura and I decided to drive down the 1 instead of returning home by the 101. It was great, scenic drive until we got to Malibu where a downed power pole turned a 10 mile drive into a two hour traffic jam.
Although it wasn't a "good" weekend, It definitely was memorable.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Back From Women's Retreat Part II
As I stated in my last post, although the accomodations were adequate, certain elements of the meeting room left a lot to be desired. It was a good thing that we broke down the electronic gear after every meeting because after we left the room and turned out the lights on Friday night, some of the bar patrons came in later and made themselves at home, helping themselves to our snacks and giftbags.
On Saturday morning, I hurried through our continental breakfast so that I could get everything set up in time for the morning meeting which then lasted until about 11am. By the time I got everything put away, it was lunchtime -the first meal I actually got to sit down and enjoy with the other ladies. After lunch, some of us visited the old San Buenaventura Mission and then walked around town a bit, avoiding the anti-war protesters parading down the street. Some of our women went out shopping in the thrift stores while Laura and I went up to the famous cross in Grant Park which overlooks the whole city. We took pictures, but it was too cold and windy to stay for long. I then went geocaching with some other ladies in memory of one of our young women who died last year. We left a travel bug at the cache in her honor -the goal is to have the travel bug make it to all 50 states and then come home. I got back just in time to prepare for the evening meeting and to eat dinner. After the meeting, most of the ladies were tired from their day and went to bed. By the time I again tore down the equipment, most were gone so I ended up back in my room before 11pm.
To be continued...
On Saturday morning, I hurried through our continental breakfast so that I could get everything set up in time for the morning meeting which then lasted until about 11am. By the time I got everything put away, it was lunchtime -the first meal I actually got to sit down and enjoy with the other ladies. After lunch, some of us visited the old San Buenaventura Mission and then walked around town a bit, avoiding the anti-war protesters parading down the street. Some of our women went out shopping in the thrift stores while Laura and I went up to the famous cross in Grant Park which overlooks the whole city. We took pictures, but it was too cold and windy to stay for long. I then went geocaching with some other ladies in memory of one of our young women who died last year. We left a travel bug at the cache in her honor -the goal is to have the travel bug make it to all 50 states and then come home. I got back just in time to prepare for the evening meeting and to eat dinner. After the meeting, most of the ladies were tired from their day and went to bed. By the time I again tore down the equipment, most were gone so I ended up back in my room before 11pm.
To be continued...
Back From Women's Retreat Part I
Normally I enjoy going on retreat with my women's group from church -this was not one of those times. Held at the Clock Tower Inn in Ventura, this retreat was more stressful than it was relaxing. Since I'm the techno person on the Women's Ministries Team, it's my job to do the sound and computer stuff for the meetings. Mostly, I like doing that sort of things but lugging around the full-size Roland keyboard, amp, mixer and speakers is not the most fun aspect of the job.
Friday, I took the day off work (not the smartest idea when you're in the middle of a project costing exercise) so that I could load all the equipment in my truck. Laura helped me and we finished just as it began to rain. Of course the rain meant traffic on the 405 would be worse eventhough we were leaving around 1pm. Three hours later, we arrived, checked in and I began to set up for our meeting at 7pm. It took me a while, but I finished with an hour and a half to spare. The bummer was that most of the women who were already there had left to go to dinner, leaving me and Karen to guard the stuff (our meeting room was adjacent to the hotel nightclub/bar and had no means of securing the meeting room or our equipment.)I did manage to go a block away to grab some tacos from the local taqueria for a few minutes, but I missed the opportunity to go to a nice restaurant with my friends. The meeting itself was interfered with by the nightclub patrons celebrating St. Patrick's Day. Occaisionally, a bar patron would poke their heads into our meeting room. After the meeting, I had to tear down the equipment so it could be moved into a more secure location while the other women played games and talked. I did get a chance to play two games of dominoes, but after 11pm, the bar really turned up the volume, making it difficult to be heard.
The hotel room turned out to be much smaller than advertised to us -two double beds to be shared by the three of us -me, Laura & Dee. Then there was issue of the hotel manager suddenly trying to charge us twice the contracted price (he eventually backed down when confronted by the leadership team). While it certainly had some charm, it was only a three star hotel at best, not worth the $200+/night for the room and food the three of us paid. We joked about the wine, cheese and crackers they served to all the guests at 5pm the crackers were saltines, the cheese was one step above CheeseWhiz and the wine came out of a box (although I don't drink alcohol, even I can tell box wine when I see it in a carafe.)
To be continued...
Friday, I took the day off work (not the smartest idea when you're in the middle of a project costing exercise) so that I could load all the equipment in my truck. Laura helped me and we finished just as it began to rain. Of course the rain meant traffic on the 405 would be worse eventhough we were leaving around 1pm. Three hours later, we arrived, checked in and I began to set up for our meeting at 7pm. It took me a while, but I finished with an hour and a half to spare. The bummer was that most of the women who were already there had left to go to dinner, leaving me and Karen to guard the stuff (our meeting room was adjacent to the hotel nightclub/bar and had no means of securing the meeting room or our equipment.)I did manage to go a block away to grab some tacos from the local taqueria for a few minutes, but I missed the opportunity to go to a nice restaurant with my friends. The meeting itself was interfered with by the nightclub patrons celebrating St. Patrick's Day. Occaisionally, a bar patron would poke their heads into our meeting room. After the meeting, I had to tear down the equipment so it could be moved into a more secure location while the other women played games and talked. I did get a chance to play two games of dominoes, but after 11pm, the bar really turned up the volume, making it difficult to be heard.
The hotel room turned out to be much smaller than advertised to us -two double beds to be shared by the three of us -me, Laura & Dee. Then there was issue of the hotel manager suddenly trying to charge us twice the contracted price (he eventually backed down when confronted by the leadership team). While it certainly had some charm, it was only a three star hotel at best, not worth the $200+/night for the room and food the three of us paid. We joked about the wine, cheese and crackers they served to all the guests at 5pm the crackers were saltines, the cheese was one step above CheeseWhiz and the wine came out of a box (although I don't drink alcohol, even I can tell box wine when I see it in a carafe.)
To be continued...
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Jesus Videos
One of my former High School students directed me to this link at Vintage21. These Jesus videos are hilarious enough, unfortunately there probably are some people who think that Jesus and the disciples were just like this.
The Believer Way videos are even more funny because we all know Christians who are just like Marcy, Jim & Billy. Very clever illustration of the book of Hebrews and how we confuse following Christ with following Christian culture.
The Believer Way videos are even more funny because we all know Christians who are just like Marcy, Jim & Billy. Very clever illustration of the book of Hebrews and how we confuse following Christ with following Christian culture.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Leaving Youth Ministry
I posted this a little while ago on MySpace...
Some of my "cryptic" posts of late have been alluding to this but I deferred my blog on this until I had a chance to inform the students myself. I was going to announce next week, but enough people already knew, making premature disclosure likely.
Now to the wherefores: If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you know that there are certain issues I've been ranting about. Some of these issues were issues of disagreement for us. There were philosophy of ministry differences sure, but also issues of respect and leadership that did not allow me to reamin silent. Although I love working with students, maintaining my personal integrity is more valuable to me than continuing and closing my eyes. As one unhappy parent expressed to me, "Youth Pastors come and go, but after they leave, you'll still be here." I can find comfort in that yet it is still painful to say goodbye to the students I love. Some students are perhaps happy to see me go -these are the ones that are only in youth group to "hook-up" or "hang-out" and saw me as an obstacle to their goal. I'd rather not think how much closer they will be to that objective now that I'm gone.
For those who weren't in Sunday School this morning, I announced then that I have been asked to leave Youth Ministry by [the Youth Pastor] -next Sunday is my last time with you, God willing. Although I don't agree with his decision that he and I could not work together anymore, that is his feeling and as Youth Pastor he has the right to choose whomever he wants as a worker.
One student asked why everything seems to be changing and I don't really have an answer for that except to say that life is full of change; new leadership brings different ways of doing business.
You can pray for me- I have been working with youth now, on and off, for over 25 years -the last seven years I have had the privilege to be your Sunday School teacher and now for the first time in a long time, I have to find a new ministry. I am very sad, obviously this wasn't my choice; I would still be working with you all for years to come if it was. Perhaps one day I will be back working with you should circumstances change again. But know this, I remain committed to seeing you become adult followers of Christ regardless of what I'm doing.
The good news is that you will still be seeing me around church on Sundays, just not in the Youth Room. Feel free to come up to me and let me know what God is doing in your life or ask me your really tough questions, I like those.
Some of my "cryptic" posts of late have been alluding to this but I deferred my blog on this until I had a chance to inform the students myself. I was going to announce next week, but enough people already knew, making premature disclosure likely.
Now to the wherefores: If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you know that there are certain issues I've been ranting about. Some of these issues were issues of disagreement for us. There were philosophy of ministry differences sure, but also issues of respect and leadership that did not allow me to reamin silent. Although I love working with students, maintaining my personal integrity is more valuable to me than continuing and closing my eyes. As one unhappy parent expressed to me, "Youth Pastors come and go, but after they leave, you'll still be here." I can find comfort in that yet it is still painful to say goodbye to the students I love. Some students are perhaps happy to see me go -these are the ones that are only in youth group to "hook-up" or "hang-out" and saw me as an obstacle to their goal. I'd rather not think how much closer they will be to that objective now that I'm gone.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Argghhhh!
Ever have one of those days where you just wish you hadn't got out of bed? I'm having one, unfortunately my argghhh is more than just one day, it's been more like a month. A friend called me today wondering how I was doing (I had spoken to her last night and related how upset I was at one of the particular issues with which I'm struggling right now). All I could say is that one more problem had been added to the pile- the wonderful folks in my homeowners association turned off the water to my house last night, and the houses of 7 others in order to fix a water leak. The bad part was that they had again not informed me prior to doing this so I didn't get to fill my bathtubs with water. ("You weren't home, so we couldn't tell you", but they didn't leave a note either.)
The association president and one of the resident busybodies were standing near the broken pipe site talking to the plumber when I came by.
"It'll be at least a couple of days before you have water again," they stated gleefully- neither of their homes are affected by the shutoff.
"Great! What am I supposed to do in the meantime?" I replied woefully.
That's when they said that if I'd been home when they came around to alert me, I could've filled my tub.
"What do want us to do?"
"Get it fixed right, like it should've been the first time," I retorted, pointing out we had the same problem for three days just a few months ago.
"Oh, this is a different problem."
"I don't care -you wouldn't allow your water to be off for three days while you waited for a repair," I said as I left them behind, knowing that our president had the plumber out very early Sunday morning for his own water leak he had last year.
As I've said, this is just another straw on the proverbial camel's back with my cat dying, my roommate sick, I've been sick, we are moving out of our building at work (this deserves a blog entry of its own), my dad has surgery but doesn't tell me, conflicts and drama at church...what else am I going to have to deal with? I feel like Charlie Brown, lying on his back after another of his failures and just saying, "ARRRGGGHHH!"
The association president and one of the resident busybodies were standing near the broken pipe site talking to the plumber when I came by.
"It'll be at least a couple of days before you have water again," they stated gleefully- neither of their homes are affected by the shutoff.
"Great! What am I supposed to do in the meantime?" I replied woefully.
That's when they said that if I'd been home when they came around to alert me, I could've filled my tub.
"What do want us to do?"
"Get it fixed right, like it should've been the first time," I retorted, pointing out we had the same problem for three days just a few months ago.
"Oh, this is a different problem."
"I don't care -you wouldn't allow your water to be off for three days while you waited for a repair," I said as I left them behind, knowing that our president had the plumber out very early Sunday morning for his own water leak he had last year.
As I've said, this is just another straw on the proverbial camel's back with my cat dying, my roommate sick, I've been sick, we are moving out of our building at work (this deserves a blog entry of its own), my dad has surgery but doesn't tell me, conflicts and drama at church...what else am I going to have to deal with? I feel like Charlie Brown, lying on his back after another of his failures and just saying, "ARRRGGGHHH!"
Friday, February 10, 2006
Through a Glass Darkly Defined
At least once a week I have someone find me by Googling the name of my blog which is "Through a Glass Darkly"; this phrase comes from 1 Corinthians 13:12, a chapter people normally look to for God's word on the subject of love. What Paul was trying to communicate is that our vision of what really is happening in God's world is darkened, darkened by living in an imperfect world, darkened by sin and by our own human limitations. Another way of putting it is to say that we see our real selves the same way one would see their physical appearance when looking into a messed-up mirror-one covered with grime, distorted and defective. The idea of the rest of the verse is that one day, when we stand before Jesus, all the obstacles to our perfect vision will be gone. We will have a full and complete knowledge of all things, including a perfect knowledge of and love for one another.
Today though, we live in that dark place, between the now and the not yet. We don't understand yet what God is doing, we hide from Him and each other the same way Adam & Eve hid after their sin in the Garden of Eden. Sometimes just the circumstances of this life can make everything seem so dark. For me, that now is especially dark this week. Many of my readers are aware that I'm a cat person, well, my 16 year old tabby died Thursday (as I recorded in my previous post). Death, even death of a pet stinks and is a distortion of what God intended. The death of His friend Lazarus caused even the Son of God to weep. All the pain, all the suffering because human beings traded God's perfect plan in Eden for the Serpent's promise of opened eyes and god-like wisdom. In reality, their knowledge was not enhanced by eating the fruit, but was instead darkened. Only through the restoration and redemption provided by Jesus Christ is that glass undarkened.
Today though, we live in that dark place, between the now and the not yet. We don't understand yet what God is doing, we hide from Him and each other the same way Adam & Eve hid after their sin in the Garden of Eden. Sometimes just the circumstances of this life can make everything seem so dark. For me, that now is especially dark this week. Many of my readers are aware that I'm a cat person, well, my 16 year old tabby died Thursday (as I recorded in my previous post). Death, even death of a pet stinks and is a distortion of what God intended. The death of His friend Lazarus caused even the Son of God to weep. All the pain, all the suffering because human beings traded God's perfect plan in Eden for the Serpent's promise of opened eyes and god-like wisdom. In reality, their knowledge was not enhanced by eating the fruit, but was instead darkened. Only through the restoration and redemption provided by Jesus Christ is that glass undarkened.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
A Very Sad Day
Exactly 21 years ago today, my cat Teener died in a termite tent accident. This morning, I came downstairs to find my cat Augustus dead and cold. Gus' death, unlike Teener's was a long time coming; he had been sick, probably with liver cancer, for months. The medication he was given to cure his chronic diarrhea did nothing and so three weeks ago we decided to take him off them. At first, he seemed to rally as he was no longer bombarded with mega-doses of antibiotics, but then came the total loss of bowel control and his confinement to the kitchen lineoleum. Last week he lost his appetite and finally this week he stopped drinking water on his own.
Although hesitant to do so, I was prepared to take him to the vet and put him down. Laura, however, describes herself as radically pro-life and does not believe in the practice of euthanasia. We then decided to make him as comfortable as possible with pain killers. This seemed to help him sleep better and not cry out in pain.
Last night we knew the end was near as his breathing became slower and more shallow -he lay very still as the pain medicine did its work. Sometime between midnight and 6am, he died. We took off his collar, placed him in a box and entrusted his body to the vet's assistant as the tears rolled down our cheeks.
As I reflect on his nearly 16 years of life, I remember he and his brother Julius as little kittens that were dumped off at my Grandma's house; they were so cute. Grandma wanted to keep them herself, but knew at her age, they would outlive her. She was right of course-she died before her 95th birthday nearly 8 years ago (Julius died the following year). She kept them for us until they were about six months old when we moved into our new house, had them fixed and declawed. She even provided a monthly room and board subsidy until my aunt took over my Grandma's bill paying and stopped it.(of special irony -the amount I paid to the vet today was the same as their monthly "allowance") Grandma spoiled the boys so much that it was hard to break them of certain behaviors - she fed them cow milk and let them do as they pleased. It was Gus that climbed up on the stove and nibbled away the top layer of the holiday cornbread.
Gus was always more of Laura's cat than mine. He preferred to lay on her while Julius used me as his cat bed. Both boys never liked store-bought toys; Julius liked to play with a pecan while Gus like to chase the shadow of a stick. When Juey got sick with cancer, Gus adopted "sympathetic" bad behavior, marking his territory eventhough he had never done that before. We cured Gus of that behavior by setting up a ladder in my bedroom that he would climb to reach the upper ledges below the vaulted ceiling; he would run around the edges, squealing with delight, being "chased", as it were, by his invisible ghosties. He cried mournfully when his brother had to stay at the hospital overnight for treatment. When Juey got better, Gus was there to play bite him in the "private parts" (or what was left behind after neutering) and take it in stride when his brother returned the favor.
Gus was always a biter. When he was little and teething, we called him "Vlad the Impaler" for his vampire-like way of biting a cardboard box. He would slowly bite down leaving a perfect bite impression. He would then slowly unbite the box, move to an unbitten portion and repeat the process. We had numerous cardboard boxes with his unique perforations left behind. Just a few weeks ago, I was reminded of what a good biter he was when he bit me rather than the piece of salmon I held for him in my fingers.
Laura had dubbed him "The Love Kitty" because of the way he was so lovable with her. He was, as I stated earlier, sympathetic to others; he tended to his sick brother. When Juey finally died, Gus walked the house mournfully crying for his brother. Sometimes I wondered if his plaintive cries out the window weren't calls for his brother and friend.
These past few years, Gus had slowed down a bit; he couldn't climb the ladder anymore and jumping on top of the refrigerator from the counter was more of a distant memory. He would still wanted to sneak outside when he had the chance and would beg to be taken for walk outside on his leash. He had a long full life with fairly good health until these past few months. As I said in the last post, one day we will have new kitties and new adventures, but today I mourn the loss of my furry friend.
Although hesitant to do so, I was prepared to take him to the vet and put him down. Laura, however, describes herself as radically pro-life and does not believe in the practice of euthanasia. We then decided to make him as comfortable as possible with pain killers. This seemed to help him sleep better and not cry out in pain.
Last night we knew the end was near as his breathing became slower and more shallow -he lay very still as the pain medicine did its work. Sometime between midnight and 6am, he died. We took off his collar, placed him in a box and entrusted his body to the vet's assistant as the tears rolled down our cheeks.
As I reflect on his nearly 16 years of life, I remember he and his brother Julius as little kittens that were dumped off at my Grandma's house; they were so cute. Grandma wanted to keep them herself, but knew at her age, they would outlive her. She was right of course-she died before her 95th birthday nearly 8 years ago (Julius died the following year). She kept them for us until they were about six months old when we moved into our new house, had them fixed and declawed. She even provided a monthly room and board subsidy until my aunt took over my Grandma's bill paying and stopped it.(of special irony -the amount I paid to the vet today was the same as their monthly "allowance") Grandma spoiled the boys so much that it was hard to break them of certain behaviors - she fed them cow milk and let them do as they pleased. It was Gus that climbed up on the stove and nibbled away the top layer of the holiday cornbread.
Gus was always more of Laura's cat than mine. He preferred to lay on her while Julius used me as his cat bed. Both boys never liked store-bought toys; Julius liked to play with a pecan while Gus like to chase the shadow of a stick. When Juey got sick with cancer, Gus adopted "sympathetic" bad behavior, marking his territory eventhough he had never done that before. We cured Gus of that behavior by setting up a ladder in my bedroom that he would climb to reach the upper ledges below the vaulted ceiling; he would run around the edges, squealing with delight, being "chased", as it were, by his invisible ghosties. He cried mournfully when his brother had to stay at the hospital overnight for treatment. When Juey got better, Gus was there to play bite him in the "private parts" (or what was left behind after neutering) and take it in stride when his brother returned the favor.
Gus was always a biter. When he was little and teething, we called him "Vlad the Impaler" for his vampire-like way of biting a cardboard box. He would slowly bite down leaving a perfect bite impression. He would then slowly unbite the box, move to an unbitten portion and repeat the process. We had numerous cardboard boxes with his unique perforations left behind. Just a few weeks ago, I was reminded of what a good biter he was when he bit me rather than the piece of salmon I held for him in my fingers.
Laura had dubbed him "The Love Kitty" because of the way he was so lovable with her. He was, as I stated earlier, sympathetic to others; he tended to his sick brother. When Juey finally died, Gus walked the house mournfully crying for his brother. Sometimes I wondered if his plaintive cries out the window weren't calls for his brother and friend.
These past few years, Gus had slowed down a bit; he couldn't climb the ladder anymore and jumping on top of the refrigerator from the counter was more of a distant memory. He would still wanted to sneak outside when he had the chance and would beg to be taken for walk outside on his leash. He had a long full life with fairly good health until these past few months. As I said in the last post, one day we will have new kitties and new adventures, but today I mourn the loss of my furry friend.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Sadness Approaching
My roommate Laura has posted quite eloquently about our dying cat Augustus. Laura describes herself as "radically pro-life" and so her conscience does not allow her to take the life of one of God's creature for our own convenience, hence we have not yet put him down.
Although I don't exactly adhere to such a strict pro-life view when it comes to animal life, it is still an overwhelming circumstance for me -Gus is the first pet I really have had to seriously make a decision about. Gus' brother died of natural causes 7 years ago; my sister's cat wandered off to die of old age five years after the cat's sibling, my cat, died when the house was termite-tented. My dog Amie also died in her sleep.
Each animal when they finally died, caused me to grieve deeply. One friend remarked that I seemed more upset at the loss of a pet than I have been for some of my relatives when they died. I think this is a reflection of my understanding of the nature of human death versus animal death. For humans, specifically Christians, death is not an end, but merely a temporary separation from their brothers and sisters left here on earth. But when our pets die, there is no comfort that we will surely see them again, there is no promised resurrection to eternal life. They only live on in our memories -the funny times, the warm kitty laying on my chest after a hard day at work, the hungry cat waking me up early to be fed -will soon be only a memory. Yes, one day I will have new kitties and new memories, but for now I'm in the midst of a drawn out and painful goodbye to an old friend I've known for nearly 16 years.
Although I don't exactly adhere to such a strict pro-life view when it comes to animal life, it is still an overwhelming circumstance for me -Gus is the first pet I really have had to seriously make a decision about. Gus' brother died of natural causes 7 years ago; my sister's cat wandered off to die of old age five years after the cat's sibling, my cat, died when the house was termite-tented. My dog Amie also died in her sleep.
Each animal when they finally died, caused me to grieve deeply. One friend remarked that I seemed more upset at the loss of a pet than I have been for some of my relatives when they died. I think this is a reflection of my understanding of the nature of human death versus animal death. For humans, specifically Christians, death is not an end, but merely a temporary separation from their brothers and sisters left here on earth. But when our pets die, there is no comfort that we will surely see them again, there is no promised resurrection to eternal life. They only live on in our memories -the funny times, the warm kitty laying on my chest after a hard day at work, the hungry cat waking me up early to be fed -will soon be only a memory. Yes, one day I will have new kitties and new memories, but for now I'm in the midst of a drawn out and painful goodbye to an old friend I've known for nearly 16 years.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Back From Winter Camp
Well, this past weekend I was at High School Camp with 50 students from my church. Although it was quite cold (around 32 degrees F Saturday night) and raining it was not quite cold enough for snow. The next night was even colder with temps in the mid-twenties, but not a cloud in the sky. Even without the snow the students seemed to have a good time, however my girls probably had the most fun trying to prank the boys -they never quite succeed at their pranks because they cannot remain quiet enough to stealthily sneak up on the boys. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much. Pranking was not only reserved for the students who were at camp, but also for some of my former students who were at home. Take note of these photos posted on Laura's blog of what they did to my car.
Seriously, the speaker, Chris Simning, was great. He is a man with Cerebral Palsy and although he was sometimes difficult to understand, his message about Adam & Eve and the Fall of man was not. Some students really did get how much sin messes up God's paradise and how God, even knowing what we've done still seeks out after us. These students had an opportunity to share their sinful struggles with the others and receive encouragement. What was disturbing however, was the students who "confessed" only for the sake of shock value and where there seemed no attempt at repentance -"Hey this is what I'm doing, giggle, giggle, wink, wink."
Unfortunately, their need to "me too" in contrast to the ones who were genuinely sorrowful over their sin seemed to dilute the gravity of the moment and hindered true healing for those who were seeking it. There were also some who shared some horrific tales of rejection, loss and past abuse - no details will I give here. I shared from my own life and reminded these students that even in the midst of tremendous suffering at the hands of others, God can bring "beauty for ashes" out of their lives if we surrender those ashes to Him. Whether or not that encouraged anyone, I don't know, but I am one who knows the truth of that statement.
We'll now see if this was just another mountain top experience or if the Word that was implanted in them this weekend takes root and bears fruit.
Seriously, the speaker, Chris Simning, was great. He is a man with Cerebral Palsy and although he was sometimes difficult to understand, his message about Adam & Eve and the Fall of man was not. Some students really did get how much sin messes up God's paradise and how God, even knowing what we've done still seeks out after us. These students had an opportunity to share their sinful struggles with the others and receive encouragement. What was disturbing however, was the students who "confessed" only for the sake of shock value and where there seemed no attempt at repentance -"Hey this is what I'm doing, giggle, giggle, wink, wink."
Unfortunately, their need to "me too" in contrast to the ones who were genuinely sorrowful over their sin seemed to dilute the gravity of the moment and hindered true healing for those who were seeking it. There were also some who shared some horrific tales of rejection, loss and past abuse - no details will I give here. I shared from my own life and reminded these students that even in the midst of tremendous suffering at the hands of others, God can bring "beauty for ashes" out of their lives if we surrender those ashes to Him. Whether or not that encouraged anyone, I don't know, but I am one who knows the truth of that statement.
We'll now see if this was just another mountain top experience or if the Word that was implanted in them this weekend takes root and bears fruit.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
To Thine Own Self, Be True (and of course, To God Too)
Laura was complaining that I haven't posted for a couple of weeks. I told that I haven't felt like saying anything lately. "What? You talk all the time," she says.
So here I go, attempting to put into words what's rattling around in my brain...
One of the issues I've been thinking about has to do with the nature of ministry to others - how much do we accomodate the needs of those to whom we minister? I was talking with someone recently whose view was to adapt completely to the ones being ministered to. I disagreed where that adaptation or accomodation meant compromising biblical truth or if it meant my morphing into someone I'm not. (Shakespeare's "To thine own self, be true" truism)
There has to be some balance where we emulate Paul -"I become all things to all men, in order to win some" without preaching "another Gospel" that is an anathema. This debate though, rages not just in my own mind but also in the Emergent Movement, Seeker oriented churches, and the struggle with the Welcoming and Affirming (AWAB) homosexuals.
I was reading the ABE forum yesterday and there was some discussion on the latter issue and how the call to repentance from the homosexual lifestyle really is a "Gospel Issue". Dennis McFadden summarizes Vic Gordon's position as this: "No Christian ever has the right to change that which scripture consistently condemns as qualifying a person for eternity apart from God. ... it is not the 'loving' thing to do to lead people to believe that they can simultaneously affirm as a gift something which God says will result in their eternal damnation."
Taking Gordon's statement a step further, it is not loving to ignore a person's sin because you're afraid you'll scare them away from church if you say anything negative. There is a difference between accepting a person (as one Jesus loves and died for) and accepting their behavior. Working with high school students, I often encounter students who don't want to told that it's not a good idea to engage in pre-marital sex, to take drugs, to lie to their parents or whatever naughty thing they can think of. I'm sure there are some who'd just love it if I said,"Hey you're young and foolish-those are just a part of growing up." Some of them don't like me very much when I say instead, "You know, taking drugs (or whatever they're up to) is not what God wants for your life. Besides harming you physically, this is how your relationship with Christ is messed up..."
But what happens when the issue of accomodation doesn't involve sin? Then where do we draw the line between "playing it straight" or "bending over backwards"? Many years ago I had a non-Christian friend who liked chess so I bought a book on chess so I might have an additional means of relating to this friend. However, chess wasn't me (I had any desire for the game siphoned away in Jr. High by a neighbor who annoying laughed while it was my move on his way to trouncing me repeatedly). To "pretend" to like chess so that I could potentially share Christ was wrong - it would mean becoming something I'm not. That book on chess still sits on my bookshelf as a reminder to always be who God has made me and not to be someone else.
Thoughts?
So here I go, attempting to put into words what's rattling around in my brain...
One of the issues I've been thinking about has to do with the nature of ministry to others - how much do we accomodate the needs of those to whom we minister? I was talking with someone recently whose view was to adapt completely to the ones being ministered to. I disagreed where that adaptation or accomodation meant compromising biblical truth or if it meant my morphing into someone I'm not. (Shakespeare's "To thine own self, be true" truism)
There has to be some balance where we emulate Paul -"I become all things to all men, in order to win some" without preaching "another Gospel" that is an anathema. This debate though, rages not just in my own mind but also in the Emergent Movement, Seeker oriented churches, and the struggle with the Welcoming and Affirming (AWAB) homosexuals.
I was reading the ABE forum yesterday and there was some discussion on the latter issue and how the call to repentance from the homosexual lifestyle really is a "Gospel Issue". Dennis McFadden summarizes Vic Gordon's position as this: "No Christian ever has the right to change that which scripture consistently condemns as qualifying a person for eternity apart from God. ... it is not the 'loving' thing to do to lead people to believe that they can simultaneously affirm as a gift something which God says will result in their eternal damnation."
Taking Gordon's statement a step further, it is not loving to ignore a person's sin because you're afraid you'll scare them away from church if you say anything negative. There is a difference between accepting a person (as one Jesus loves and died for) and accepting their behavior. Working with high school students, I often encounter students who don't want to told that it's not a good idea to engage in pre-marital sex, to take drugs, to lie to their parents or whatever naughty thing they can think of. I'm sure there are some who'd just love it if I said,"Hey you're young and foolish-those are just a part of growing up." Some of them don't like me very much when I say instead, "You know, taking drugs (or whatever they're up to) is not what God wants for your life. Besides harming you physically, this is how your relationship with Christ is messed up..."
But what happens when the issue of accomodation doesn't involve sin? Then where do we draw the line between "playing it straight" or "bending over backwards"? Many years ago I had a non-Christian friend who liked chess so I bought a book on chess so I might have an additional means of relating to this friend. However, chess wasn't me (I had any desire for the game siphoned away in Jr. High by a neighbor who annoying laughed while it was my move on his way to trouncing me repeatedly). To "pretend" to like chess so that I could potentially share Christ was wrong - it would mean becoming something I'm not. That book on chess still sits on my bookshelf as a reminder to always be who God has made me and not to be someone else.
Thoughts?
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Post-Christmas Contemplations
So much for my promise to blog more now that I'm on vacation-it seems my mind has stepped down into lower energy state and I haven't been having deep philosophical discussions with anyone. It's been a fairly slow news cycle as well these past few weeks with some of the stories reflecting on the big stories of 2005-the Tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, the death of the Pope and the election of his successor to name just a few.
For me personally, 2005 has gone by so quickly. A year ago I was acting as the High School director while we were without a Youth Pastor. We were "snowed out" of our winter camp last January and had to reschedule to the following month. Spring was just a blur and Summer was filled with sicknesses and camps. Fall gave way to Winter and the Holiday season. I wasn't as nearly prepared for Christmas as I wanted to be or expected to be with a week off before. I got some great gifts but the best one was from my sister and her fiance.They decided to donate a barnyard full of animals through World Vision instead of buying gifts. Totally cool!
So as the year ends, it's been a pretty good year, although time seems to be moving more swiftly as I get older. More on this later.
For me personally, 2005 has gone by so quickly. A year ago I was acting as the High School director while we were without a Youth Pastor. We were "snowed out" of our winter camp last January and had to reschedule to the following month. Spring was just a blur and Summer was filled with sicknesses and camps. Fall gave way to Winter and the Holiday season. I wasn't as nearly prepared for Christmas as I wanted to be or expected to be with a week off before. I got some great gifts but the best one was from my sister and her fiance.They decided to donate a barnyard full of animals through World Vision instead of buying gifts. Totally cool!
So as the year ends, it's been a pretty good year, although time seems to be moving more swiftly as I get older. More on this later.
Monday, December 19, 2005
On Being a Middle Aged Youth Worker
One of my friends emailed me this link, Internetmonk authored this piece on being middle aged. While it is written from a man's perspective and some of doesn't really apply to my life -he was a little too morose about getting old , his comments about being a 40-something youth worker are on target. I especially liked the line about being at the top of his game preaching but faced with an audience that wants to hear the 23 year old with a guitar and one sermon.
It is kinda frustrating that teenagers do not appreciate the middle aged person's life experience and instead prefer whoever is "new", as if the novelty of their words imparts the greater wisdom. This view was even shared by a twenty-something youth pastor I knew. In his book, I was too old to work with students at 31 years of age; when I was 35, he insisted I had "nothing" to offer them. (He later changed his tune when he himself crossed the magic age of 30). Regardless, I don't pay attention to those pronouncements. I may not jump into a game of Bombardment anymore but I have so much more to offer than that. The students who want the superficial stuff aren't going to come talk to me anyway (although they are quite shocked to discover that I do know about their culture), the ones that are serious about their faith do come around. Still, it is amusing when they first try to get an answer out of the young, "cool" worker who then refers the student to me anyway.
I guess my perspective on the whole issue comes from the fact that I work with youth, not to serve them, but to serve Christ. Sure, I'd like to have a twenty-something body again and go sledding down the hill next month at Winter Camp but let me keep the forty-something mind.
It is kinda frustrating that teenagers do not appreciate the middle aged person's life experience and instead prefer whoever is "new", as if the novelty of their words imparts the greater wisdom. This view was even shared by a twenty-something youth pastor I knew. In his book, I was too old to work with students at 31 years of age; when I was 35, he insisted I had "nothing" to offer them. (He later changed his tune when he himself crossed the magic age of 30). Regardless, I don't pay attention to those pronouncements. I may not jump into a game of Bombardment anymore but I have so much more to offer than that. The students who want the superficial stuff aren't going to come talk to me anyway (although they are quite shocked to discover that I do know about their culture), the ones that are serious about their faith do come around. Still, it is amusing when they first try to get an answer out of the young, "cool" worker who then refers the student to me anyway.
I guess my perspective on the whole issue comes from the fact that I work with youth, not to serve them, but to serve Christ. Sure, I'd like to have a twenty-something body again and go sledding down the hill next month at Winter Camp but let me keep the forty-something mind.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
My Busy Week
Oh my! I have not had the opportunity to blog here for a week because I've had just too many things going on.
For one, I was gearing toward a big presentation at work, what we call a conceptual design review, where I had to prepare approximately 70 Powerpoint charts to be shown in front of a group of 20 or so of my technical peers. This had me working some late hours this past week and made me miss most of youth group last night. For those of you still in school, compare it to writing a 10 page paper or studying for finals.
Second, I did the unthinkable - I went shopping at the mall to get something new to wear at Laura's Baccalaureate Dinner and her Graduation from Talbot. I also had to make a run to the Guitar Center to pick up some supplies for the Worship Band.
There's a lot of stuff going on at church with Christmas coming in eleven days.
The good news is that tomorrow is my last day of work for 2005 and eventhough I have a lot to get done before I leave after lunch, I'm looking forward to more than 2 weeks off.
Perhaps I'll blog more during vacation -it will give me more time to rant.
For one, I was gearing toward a big presentation at work, what we call a conceptual design review, where I had to prepare approximately 70 Powerpoint charts to be shown in front of a group of 20 or so of my technical peers. This had me working some late hours this past week and made me miss most of youth group last night. For those of you still in school, compare it to writing a 10 page paper or studying for finals.
Second, I did the unthinkable - I went shopping at the mall to get something new to wear at Laura's Baccalaureate Dinner and her Graduation from Talbot. I also had to make a run to the Guitar Center to pick up some supplies for the Worship Band.
There's a lot of stuff going on at church with Christmas coming in eleven days.
The good news is that tomorrow is my last day of work for 2005 and eventhough I have a lot to get done before I leave after lunch, I'm looking forward to more than 2 weeks off.
Perhaps I'll blog more during vacation -it will give me more time to rant.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Cancelling Christmas and Other Rants
Christianity Today's Weblog reports on certain Megachurches cancelling their Sunday services that fall on Christmas Day this year. See the link to the articleshere. The reason given by these churches is that they want to allow their attenders to spend the Christmas holiday at home with their family rather than having to come out to a worship service at the church campus. My ABE forum buddies have been having their own rant on this one. Mostly the arguments against have centered around the megachurches' capitulation to our self-centered culture, the improper exaltation of family over the corporate worship of the Christ of Christmas. While I agree with some of these objections, my own rant has more to do with the annoying practice my church has of trying to combine the December 25th Sunday Service into one big celebration.
Quoting from my post there:
"All this togetherness by combining services is overrated in my book. It's also pretending (to any visitors) to be a church you're not the other 51 weeks of the year.
First, you have all the additional traffic caused by the twice a year C&E crowd that you try to shoehorn into one facility with the regulars from x number of different services. You end up setting up chairs in the aisles, standing or turning people away. Faithful Central Bible Church can do it, but then again they own the Great Western Forum (where the Lakers used to play). (In my church, that's potentially 500+ people into a facility that seats 400+.)
Second, for those of us with separate services with different styles in each service, you have a choice as worship planner of making the combined service a reflection of only one of the styles or of trying to mix the different styles together. Do really think that someone who's in love with choir, organ and traditional carols wants to hear the rock band play a City on a Hill "It's Christmas" number? Or vice versa? The previous combined services have the old folks plugging their ears (or walking out) while the band played at its normal sound level. If you try to blend the two, every last choir and musical group feels the need to present a number (or two), so we get the bell choir, the traditional choir, the children's choir, Sister So-and-so singing a solo (badly, sometimes), Brother Not-so-Talented playing his instrument that he hasn't touched all year trying to fit in with the band. Yikes!
Third, some people don't quite get the word that you're not having the same number of services you usually have at the times normally advertised. We get all kinds of people showing up at regular 1st service time, looking puzzled and confused when you tell them that for this week, the service is 45 minutes later. Same holds true for the people who show up with the combined service almost over thinking they're right on time for second service. Do you think those people are motivated to come back to your church the following week? This is not exactly the best foot forward to present to people who might just be open, by virtue of the season and the coming New Year, to giving church attendance(and possibly following Jesus) a try.
Some folks in my church just love the idea, particularly the ones that think that the only reason the Contemporary style worshippers don't attend the more traditional service is that they haven't yet tried it. The Staff and the CE workers like it because it's less work -one service to prepare for, no Sunday School. All this may be easier on the Pastor (only having to preach once) and some members may like the scrunched in feel (I don't). But remind me why this would be a good idea again?"
Quoting from my post there:
"All this togetherness by combining services is overrated in my book. It's also pretending (to any visitors) to be a church you're not the other 51 weeks of the year.
First, you have all the additional traffic caused by the twice a year C&E crowd that you try to shoehorn into one facility with the regulars from x number of different services. You end up setting up chairs in the aisles, standing or turning people away. Faithful Central Bible Church can do it, but then again they own the Great Western Forum (where the Lakers used to play). (In my church, that's potentially 500+ people into a facility that seats 400+.)
Second, for those of us with separate services with different styles in each service, you have a choice as worship planner of making the combined service a reflection of only one of the styles or of trying to mix the different styles together. Do really think that someone who's in love with choir, organ and traditional carols wants to hear the rock band play a City on a Hill "It's Christmas" number? Or vice versa? The previous combined services have the old folks plugging their ears (or walking out) while the band played at its normal sound level. If you try to blend the two, every last choir and musical group feels the need to present a number (or two), so we get the bell choir, the traditional choir, the children's choir, Sister So-and-so singing a solo (badly, sometimes), Brother Not-so-Talented playing his instrument that he hasn't touched all year trying to fit in with the band. Yikes!
Third, some people don't quite get the word that you're not having the same number of services you usually have at the times normally advertised. We get all kinds of people showing up at regular 1st service time, looking puzzled and confused when you tell them that for this week, the service is 45 minutes later. Same holds true for the people who show up with the combined service almost over thinking they're right on time for second service. Do you think those people are motivated to come back to your church the following week? This is not exactly the best foot forward to present to people who might just be open, by virtue of the season and the coming New Year, to giving church attendance(and possibly following Jesus) a try.
Some folks in my church just love the idea, particularly the ones that think that the only reason the Contemporary style worshippers don't attend the more traditional service is that they haven't yet tried it. The Staff and the CE workers like it because it's less work -one service to prepare for, no Sunday School. All this may be easier on the Pastor (only having to preach once) and some members may like the scrunched in feel (I don't). But remind me why this would be a good idea again?"
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Still More On The Journey From Hierarchicalism to Biblical Egalitarianism
One question that has been asked is what has your journey to egalitarianism meant to you in your ministry. The answer is complex because while I am doing more (teaching & leading High School students in Youth Ministry) than I would otherwise do with my hierarchical beliefs still intact, my home church has not yet adopted a leadership model that would provide equal opportunities for women.
Although my denomination (ABCUSA) has ordained women for more than 100 years and encouraged the full partipation of women in church life, my church has not embraced either practice in its 91 year history. The women who served in my church fifty years ago, in some ways, had more meaningful opportunities to serve. The church in those days operated with a dual board system - deacons and trustees, in which very powerful women led as trustees. They were referred to as Mother So-and-so and their word was law to men and women alike. For some reason unknown to me, the church, a few years later, switched to a single board of Deacons overseeing a system of committees which included a committee of Deaconesses. In the 60's and 70's, this Deaconess Committee were derisively called "The Cupcake Committee" due to their main duty of serving food at church socials. During the mid 80's, the Deaconesses began to move away from food service at socials to having more of an emphasis on their "hands on" ministry - counseling those who made decisions, ministering to the bereaved and the shut-in.
With the call of a Senior Pastor who identified himself as an egalitarian, women who desired an expanded role for themselves were hopeful that church polity would change. Unfortunately, a few powerful men expressed forceful opposition to even discussing the Biblical arguments (one particular "gentleman" stood up during a service where the pastor was teaching on the subject and shook his Bible at the pastor) and the will to "rock the boat" was lost. A subsequent attempt (by a committee I was on) to rewrite the Church Constitution and replace the Deacon/Committee structure with a co-ed ministry team, was single handedly crushed by one Deacon who was extremely opposed to women in minstry. When the pastor's wife was hired (with her PhD with Christian Education emphasis) to head the Christian Education Ministry she was called the Director. Eventhough her two predecessors were both called "pastor" and were ordained, neither option was even considered for her.
In the eight years since that pastor moved on and a new pastor came, the church has not made any more progress towards egalitarianism. Although during the 18 month interim, I was, as the Deaconess Chair, added to the Executive Committee (Senior Pastor, Deacon Chair, Vice Chair, Secretary) and allowed to attend Deacon meetings, my successor found such meetings "tiresome" and did not insist on continuing in those additional roles when the new Senior Pastor arrived. He readily admits that this is not "his issue" and would much prefer a Board of Elders making all the decisions anyway, moving away from strong congregational polity. Those on the present Deacon Board who have a strong opinion on the subject all seem to hold to a "traditional view" and would not allow woman as deacons, let alone elders. Their opinions seem ill-informed; most could not themselves point to any Scripture as prohibiting women from certain roles.
A few years ago, I queried one of my friends whose husband is a deacon, how the Board would react to my roommate's receiving her Masters of Divinity degree (which, BTW, she gets next week) knowing that 1) of all the staff, only the Senior Pastor himself would equal her training 2) every previous MDiv at our church has been, within the year after receiving the degree, been recommended to the region's ordination council. My friend's answer was that the Board will do nothing even if asked. She was certain of this because her husband was on the Board and they (she and her husband) did not believe in women pastors or their ordination. Their basis for this belief was their life-long experience in churches that had taught that as well.
Some might inquire as to why I'd remain in a non-egalitarian church. Well, for one reason, the grass isn't greener somewhere else. Many other churches in my area, including ones like mine with national pro-women policies, hold the same/similiar views on women as my own church home. Others have worship practices or doctrines I'd have a hard time adjusting to as a life-long Baptist. Still another reason is that I hold out hope for an eventual changing of the mind in my church; even staunch complementarians such as those my roommate encounters at Talbot, have softened their rhetoric on their position, allowing for the need to hear the voice of both genders. Against that though, is the re-emergence of traditional thought amongst the younger generations, but that's like playing "Bop the Prarie Dog" at Chuck E. Cheese's -you just have to whack it down when the thought pops up (although in the love of Jesus). I guess the final reason, is that for all its warts, my church is my home and God has not moved me anywhere else.
As I've stated before, I'm gonna do what God wants me to do and if He wants me to do something, nothing really can stand in my way. I truly believe that there will be a time when restricting women in ministry will be a ridiculous as restricting people in ministry due to race is now. One hundred years ago that restriction was not yet consigned to the "dust heap of history" as it is now. It's why I can wait.
Although my denomination (ABCUSA) has ordained women for more than 100 years and encouraged the full partipation of women in church life, my church has not embraced either practice in its 91 year history. The women who served in my church fifty years ago, in some ways, had more meaningful opportunities to serve. The church in those days operated with a dual board system - deacons and trustees, in which very powerful women led as trustees. They were referred to as Mother So-and-so and their word was law to men and women alike. For some reason unknown to me, the church, a few years later, switched to a single board of Deacons overseeing a system of committees which included a committee of Deaconesses. In the 60's and 70's, this Deaconess Committee were derisively called "The Cupcake Committee" due to their main duty of serving food at church socials. During the mid 80's, the Deaconesses began to move away from food service at socials to having more of an emphasis on their "hands on" ministry - counseling those who made decisions, ministering to the bereaved and the shut-in.
With the call of a Senior Pastor who identified himself as an egalitarian, women who desired an expanded role for themselves were hopeful that church polity would change. Unfortunately, a few powerful men expressed forceful opposition to even discussing the Biblical arguments (one particular "gentleman" stood up during a service where the pastor was teaching on the subject and shook his Bible at the pastor) and the will to "rock the boat" was lost. A subsequent attempt (by a committee I was on) to rewrite the Church Constitution and replace the Deacon/Committee structure with a co-ed ministry team, was single handedly crushed by one Deacon who was extremely opposed to women in minstry. When the pastor's wife was hired (with her PhD with Christian Education emphasis) to head the Christian Education Ministry she was called the Director. Eventhough her two predecessors were both called "pastor" and were ordained, neither option was even considered for her.
In the eight years since that pastor moved on and a new pastor came, the church has not made any more progress towards egalitarianism. Although during the 18 month interim, I was, as the Deaconess Chair, added to the Executive Committee (Senior Pastor, Deacon Chair, Vice Chair, Secretary) and allowed to attend Deacon meetings, my successor found such meetings "tiresome" and did not insist on continuing in those additional roles when the new Senior Pastor arrived. He readily admits that this is not "his issue" and would much prefer a Board of Elders making all the decisions anyway, moving away from strong congregational polity. Those on the present Deacon Board who have a strong opinion on the subject all seem to hold to a "traditional view" and would not allow woman as deacons, let alone elders. Their opinions seem ill-informed; most could not themselves point to any Scripture as prohibiting women from certain roles.
A few years ago, I queried one of my friends whose husband is a deacon, how the Board would react to my roommate's receiving her Masters of Divinity degree (which, BTW, she gets next week) knowing that 1) of all the staff, only the Senior Pastor himself would equal her training 2) every previous MDiv at our church has been, within the year after receiving the degree, been recommended to the region's ordination council. My friend's answer was that the Board will do nothing even if asked. She was certain of this because her husband was on the Board and they (she and her husband) did not believe in women pastors or their ordination. Their basis for this belief was their life-long experience in churches that had taught that as well.
Some might inquire as to why I'd remain in a non-egalitarian church. Well, for one reason, the grass isn't greener somewhere else. Many other churches in my area, including ones like mine with national pro-women policies, hold the same/similiar views on women as my own church home. Others have worship practices or doctrines I'd have a hard time adjusting to as a life-long Baptist. Still another reason is that I hold out hope for an eventual changing of the mind in my church; even staunch complementarians such as those my roommate encounters at Talbot, have softened their rhetoric on their position, allowing for the need to hear the voice of both genders. Against that though, is the re-emergence of traditional thought amongst the younger generations, but that's like playing "Bop the Prarie Dog" at Chuck E. Cheese's -you just have to whack it down when the thought pops up (although in the love of Jesus). I guess the final reason, is that for all its warts, my church is my home and God has not moved me anywhere else.
As I've stated before, I'm gonna do what God wants me to do and if He wants me to do something, nothing really can stand in my way. I truly believe that there will be a time when restricting women in ministry will be a ridiculous as restricting people in ministry due to race is now. One hundred years ago that restriction was not yet consigned to the "dust heap of history" as it is now. It's why I can wait.
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